thefemmigrantjournal.org

  Green, red, blue, brown.  My garden is a sacred space where I go to meditate.  My backyard is a special place which has hold me in trying times.  Sometimes, I go out to acknowlde that I am grateful for having it, sometimes I feel I don't deserve such a nice place.  My garden transports my guests to an Italian farm in the 20's.  It has his own life story, it has its inhabitants, and its aroma.  It's blooming like a star, it's freezing like a tundra during winter time, but it's always bright.  I would have loved being here in my childhood, I believe this would have made the difference, but it's true that everything comes in the right moment.  I am too exciting that one day I will be part of a garden and my body will give nutrients to the land.  Green, red, rose, brown, blue, yellow, white, purple.

Estamos atrapados, somos una aplicación que no se mueve, somos un número que no existe.  Tengo pesadillas, no puedo dejar de pensar que no tengo control de mi propia vida.  Alguien más tiene derecho a decidir sobre mí, mi cuerpo, mis deseos, mis sueños. Hay vidas que merecen ser vividas y otras que no importan.  Estamos atrapados, con una red para pescar, no podemos hacer mucho sin que ellos decidan primero qué hacer con nosotros.  Estamos metidos en un trampa llamada aplicación, número, estamos en las manos de un desconocido maquiavélico que sólo mira papeles, no ve personas.  Estar desterradas era el peor castigo en los pueblos originarios de lo que se llamó Mesoamerica; nosotras las personas migrantes pasando por un proceso migratorio estamos desterradas, sin piel, sin tierra, sin familia y esperando.  Una espera interminable, una espera que te rompe la cabeza, como esa gota que usaban en la Santa Inquisición para perforar los cráneos de los condenados....

 I am feeling lost,  I don't know where to go; I don't know where to stay; I need to be patient, but I don't know how; How to react to things that I cannot control; I cannot control my own life because I am waiting for a final decision;  Which territory inhabitant when you do not have any land;  Where are not from here, nor there; We are spectrums, we are in a limbo; For them, we are just an application, we are not human beings; We are ghosts that decided to wander and start a new journey; For them, we are just a number, a number that does not count; I need to be patient, I need to be patient, but I don't know how. I do not know how....

 Algunas veces me he sentido perdida, que no sé donde estoy y tampoco sé a donde voy. Algunas veces me he sentido sin ganas de seguir, cansada de muchas situaciones.  Algunas veces me he sentido sin apetito, sin sueño, sin emociones.  Algunas veces me han aniquilado mis pensamientos, mi ansiedad, mi tristeza.  Algunas veces ya no quiero seguir luchando con una mochila llena de pesadumbres.  Algunas veces ya me quiero ir, pero no sé a donde.  A veces todo es confusión y está bien. 

 I think everyone feels unworthy once, we feel that we are not good at anything, that we have no friends.  We feel that we are unable to develop any project, we are tired and it's fine.  To feel that way, make us be part of this system and that is not our fault.  The economical, political, social and emotional systems want us to be down, to not think about what really matters.  Please get up and beat those thoughts.  You are super worthy just for being alive.  You have been through many difficult situations, and you are here.   Thanks for not giving up, you are and will be fine. 

 Land is a word that Western culture does not understand,  we are land, we don't own land, we are made by nature;  we don't visit natural places, we are natural places, and those natural places are within us, those natural places visit us.  We are land with different shapes, we belong to the land.  Our ancestor community knew that so well.  We will not return to the land when we die because we are already within the land, We inhabit the land and the land inhabits us;  we are that part of this, and for more that you want to own more pieces of land, the land owns you.  You probably will get those pieces of land, make money with them, but in return you are and will end up inside the land; that is beautiful.